Tips for High Conflict Families and Working Against Resistance

If you constantly feel like it is impossible to come to agreements with your ex-spouse, or the other co-parent, there is chance you fall into the ‘high-conflict’ category.  In high-conflict families, it is more important now than ever, to still work together. The most important thing high-conflict parents can do, is make sure that their child does not feel the impact of tension between the co-parents, themselves.  Children have enough stress in their lives right now—instabilities in households and in timesharing arrangements should not be on the list. Below are some tips, and reminders, for parents who are struggling with co-parenting during this time.

Do Not Use ‘Social Distancing’ to Keep Your Child from Their Other Parent

The courts will not look favorably on parents who are using this time of crisis, to intentionally gain more timesharing with their child.  Attempt to stick to your parenting plan, as much as possible, and make changes only when it is necessary for the best interest of your child, and let the changes be reasonable. Attempts to use this crisis for ulterior motives, will likely result in punishment from the courts later down the road, so be mindful when arranging timesharing. 

Accept That You May Have to Communicate More Than You Would Like

Raising a child, and co-parenting takes communication. Raising a child amidst a global pandemic, takes even more communication.  Regardless of who enjoys communicating with one another less, it is important for your child’s safety, stability and health that you communicate plans, schedules, and changes with the other co-parent, and due to the constant changes in the community, chances are, this will be required more frequently than normal.  The outbreak has caused plenty of stress be sure to alleviate whenever possible, and remember, that even this will eventually pass.

Be Flexible

There are many different ways to handle the pandemic, and chances are neither parent is 100% right or 100% wrong, so be calm and be patient.  There is a lot of information on the internet and in the news on how to handle the pandemic, and remember that just because you handle it one way, doesn’t mean that everyone will handle the same way, and that is okay. The health and safety of the family comes first, but remember that this can look different in different homes. 

Be Mindful that Third Parties Will Be Necessary During This Time

While some parties are forced to work from home, or children are kept from attending school, it is important that you realize the value of help from third parties during this time. New spouses, girlfriends, boyfriends, etc., can often be a source of contention following a divorce or break up.  However, as people are rapidly adjusting their schedules, and rearranging plans, there is a higher probability that you are going to have to coordinate with a third-party, or trust in a third party to care for your child.  Remember, that at the end of the day, your co-parent chose this person to help, and has your child’s best interest in mind.  Your child’s safety and health are the main priority, and sometimes that requires help from others. It is important to do your part as a parent and be amicable and cooperative in the process.

Come Up With a “Sick Plan”

It may be easier to determine before-hand what your plan is for if one party gets sick.  Parents have determined that the timesharing schedule may change, and the child may be returned to the other coparent, if they get sick.  If you are able to come up with plans before the issue arises, it can lead to a smoother transition in the parenting plan. In addition, where parties cannot agree on how to protect their child from the disease, consider consulting with the child’s pediatrician for guidance, in order to minimize disputes.

Setting up safeguards to resolve conflict, can be the key factor in preventing conflict.  Every family is different, and one shoe won’t fit all.  However, if you can work for transparency between parties, set clear intensions and plans, and encourage positivity and flexibility during this time, you can establish a more stable and predictable foundation going forward for your child.